Virginia Commonwealth University

She said what bald men were already thinking and weeping about

Posted: February 25th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Bald Blog | Tags: , , | 4 Comments »

Oh, Tatiana Boncompagni. You cut to the core.

For those who missed it, Boncompagni wrote a stirring (read: depressing) article for The New York Times recently. In the wake of Prince William’s engagement to Kate Middleton, she took the opportunity to explore the psychology of balding men and the possible increased urgency they feel to find and secure a mate. She asked:

“Is it possible that the 28-year-old prince felt an urge to lock up a commitment from Ms. Middleton because his heart-throb status might be beginning to disappear with the hair? If so, what must the rest of the not-so-princely men in the world feel when youthful looks begin to fade?”

Saturn’s rings! She’s right! What will become of the chrome-domed masses? The noble, once-loved people will be forced to roam the Earth alone. There’s blood on your hands, Mr. Darwin!

Kidding.

But she does bring up some valid points. For instance, women have developed an increased financial independence over the last century or so. Thus, it stands to reason that the fairer sex would start to develop a more rigorous screening method.

Full pockets? Sure, but how full is his scalp?

However, she seemed to think that until recently, women had a monopoly on body image issues and insecurities. AND she attempts to comfort the poor men afflicted with the horrible sickness of balding by reminding readers that Michael Jordan and Bruce Willis are both bald and beloved.

So, women will overlook baldness. Phew. All you have to do is be one of the greatest athletes of all time or JOHN flippin’ MCLANE.

Gawker’s Adrian Chen responded to the article with a sort-of-sarcastic post of his own, saying, “If any bald readers weren’t yet considering suicide, they certainly were after finishing it.”

But on a positive note, the comment section for Chen’s post lit up with women coming to the defense of baldies, even posting photos of shiny, sexy dudes as proof.

So it appears that Boncompagni forgot that there are actually women out there who think bald men are attractive.

Those sickos.

And in her analysis, she also overlooked another factor in human mating. There is mounting evidence that women don’t care about looks if you’ve got swagger.

As image consultant Amanda Sanders told WebMD:

“I hate to say this, but nothing is less attractive than a man with thin hair who is trying to hang on to it. I seldom see anyone with a toupee or hair weave or hair plugs who looks fabulous. It always looks fake, and I think that’s a put-off. Women find it more attractive when a man has more confidence in himself, so a balding man should just embrace being bald.”

So there you have it. Let your bald flag fly. Some women will dig it, and some will shun you. But really, how would that be different from regular life?

Besides, in the immortal words of Wayne Campbell, “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”


4 Comments on “She said what bald men were already thinking and weeping about”

  1. 1 Zakia said at 3:41 pm on March 2nd, 2011:

    Doug,

    Thank you for this read. It was hilarious! You used sarcasm well while still proving your point that women find bald men attractive. The quotes you used really edified your blog, especially the comment about men needing to let go instead of hanging on to a toupee. Can we say Donald Trump?

    I think bald men are appealing and it does show confidence BUT you have to have the right shaped head. Not everyone can pull it off. No pun intended. My dad is a baldy but my uncle is holding on to his hair. He’s bald smack dead in the middle of his head and is full around the circumference. Some of my cousins refer to his head as a bird’s nest.

    You were right about the swagger part. If you have swagger then women are more likely to accept your baldness. Besides we have our own issues to deal with too. Overall, great job! I definitely look forward to keeping up with your blogs.

  2. 2 Christian Wright said at 7:09 pm on March 2nd, 2011:

    I leave with more questions than I entered. Like, what is swagger, and how do I get it? How do I know if I will bald? If I am bald, will love ever find me?

    But on a more serious note, excellent post. Do the articles you’ve read jibe with your experience?

    I think its fascinating as well, which you can write in another topic, about gender expectations and stereotypes. I have a female friend who went bald once, and frankly she rocked it well. It’d be interesting to explore the divide and the gender politics of men going bald and their perceived decline in masculinity versus what occurs when a female goes bald and people pride her for her feminineness and her seizing independence.

    But overall, excellent work.

  3. 3 Saquoia said at 7:29 pm on March 9th, 2011:

    First, the main picture for this post already tells what the post is about. Great picture choice.

    This post took a look at Tatiana Boncompagni’s depressing article about bald men and flipped it. This was a well-written rebuttal. It would be great for Tatiana Boncompagni to read your blog post.

    The picture link to the magazine cover was hilarious! If you are bald and have swagger, you can run the world, right?

    This quote, “Full pockets? Sure, but how full is his scalp?” was also great.

    By the way, what plug-in did you use for your quotes? The gray bar draws attention to the quotes.

  4. 4 Veronica Garabelli said at 2:05 am on March 10th, 2011:

    Doug, this was very funny. I’m glad you are able to have a sense of humor about this topic. It also looks like you really thought out your picture, and it goes with the sarcastic nature of your article. I enjoyed how you included two points of views about how women view bald men. That shows that even in this light-hearted blog entry you chose to try to represent what different women may think. Also think it’s great how you brought it all together, with the quote in the end about marriage.

    I do disagree with Bon­com­pagni. I doubt Prince Williams has a hard time finding women. He is a prince after all.


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