Virginia Commonwealth University

She said what bald men were already thinking and weeping about

Posted: February 25th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Bald Blog | Tags: , , | 4 Comments »

Oh, Tatiana Boncompagni. You cut to the core.

For those who missed it, Boncompagni wrote a stirring (read: depressing) article for The New York Times recently. In the wake of Prince William’s engagement to Kate Middleton, she took the opportunity to explore the psychology of balding men and the possible increased urgency they feel to find and secure a mate. She asked:

“Is it possible that the 28-year-old prince felt an urge to lock up a commitment from Ms. Middleton because his heart-throb status might be beginning to disappear with the hair? If so, what must the rest of the not-so-princely men in the world feel when youthful looks begin to fade?”

Saturn’s rings! She’s right! What will become of the chrome-domed masses? The noble, once-loved people will be forced to roam the Earth alone. There’s blood on your hands, Mr. Darwin!

Kidding.

But she does bring up some valid points. For instance, women have developed an increased financial independence over the last century or so. Thus, it stands to reason that the fairer sex would start to develop a more rigorous screening method.

Full pockets? Sure, but how full is his scalp?

However, she seemed to think that until recently, women had a monopoly on body image issues and insecurities. AND she attempts to comfort the poor men afflicted with the horrible sickness of balding by reminding readers that Michael Jordan and Bruce Willis are both bald and beloved.

So, women will overlook baldness. Phew. All you have to do is be one of the greatest athletes of all time or JOHN flippin’ MCLANE.

Gawker’s Adrian Chen responded to the article with a sort-of-sarcastic post of his own, saying, “If any bald readers weren’t yet considering suicide, they certainly were after finishing it.”

But on a positive note, the comment section for Chen’s post lit up with women coming to the defense of baldies, even posting photos of shiny, sexy dudes as proof.

So it appears that Boncompagni forgot that there are actually women out there who think bald men are attractive.

Those sickos.

And in her analysis, she also overlooked another factor in human mating. There is mounting evidence that women don’t care about looks if you’ve got swagger.

As image consultant Amanda Sanders told WebMD:

“I hate to say this, but nothing is less attractive than a man with thin hair who is trying to hang on to it. I seldom see anyone with a toupee or hair weave or hair plugs who looks fabulous. It always looks fake, and I think that’s a put-off. Women find it more attractive when a man has more confidence in himself, so a balding man should just embrace being bald.”

So there you have it. Let your bald flag fly. Some women will dig it, and some will shun you. But really, how would that be different from regular life?

Besides, in the immortal words of Wayne Campbell, “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”